HERSELF

Hey, its been a long time since my last update. So hows ya'll ? Mine is great. Infact i have this story to share. I was thinking about my blog so i decided to read up all the post from the start. And i realised how much fun i had. Infact ive had tooo much fun. To be honest, i am not the old me anymore. Ive changed. And as i was reading all the post just now i realised how much ive changed and it was literally much. I used to have alooooot of piercings on my face. I used to drink alcohol aloooot too. Like one of the post ive mentioned i drank everynight 5 days straight. Took some stupid drugs. I even got a tattoo on my back, my hips bone and can say a small tiny one on my right boob. SIGH* Now no wonder all friends called me satan the last time. I kept denying it but now i know why. And now, the present, I have no piercings at all. I totally stop drinking. No more drugs. BUT i still got the tattoos on me. And honestly thinking about it now i felt like crying. My whole past life was a regret. A total disaster. Yah that was "fun" the last time. But now that i realised, i was ruining myself. What the hell was i thinking??? Now, ive started doing prayers. And i even went to terawih for my very first time! I gotta say praying with alot of muslims around me felt awesome. I just love the feeling soo much. It was very peaceful. BUT, that tattoos haunt and bothers me. Every single time i think of god, and wanted to do prayers, i always got this feeling that my prayers are not sattisfied. Then i would start crying and regrettig everything. Im too young to get a thousand dollars or more to do a laser treatment. No matter how hard i tried saving money. Im just so scared. Im scared of death. I mean, nobody knows when you would die. And what if its tomorrow? Are you prepared? Are you ready to face the punishment of hell? And look at the world now. There is soo much drama. And killing of islam is everywhere. And all loads of rumors about the judgement day are coming. All these things are making me so damn paranoid. I dont wanna lose anyone in my life. I dont wanna lose my family, my mum, my dad, my siblings. I dont wanna lose my boyfriend. My old close friends, afiq,aidil,an,arel,fido and all my other old friends. Guys im sorry that ive changed but you guys will always be in my heart. ALWAYS. And i dont wanna lose my new friends too, Suhaimi,Aca,Syamel,Hafiz,Hisham and all the others too. Sometimes i wish everyone one of you could start changing too. But who am i to say. Im just a normal human too right and i dont even have the right. Changing is actually the most difficult thing ive ever done. I mean all those praying and stuff its hard. But if theres a will, theres a way. And i know myself its right. And i know its time. Maybe if you guys change we could support each other. Like how Suhaimi,Boyfriend and syamel supporting me on my prayers. They kept reminding me to pray. Though sometimes i lazy but i know they are trying to help. I wish, in this world, Islam were'nt bullied anymore. Its so sad to see Islam died drastically sometimes for no reason at all. Pity all those kids and mothers crying so loud wishing all this to end while we're muslims here enjoying ourself and acting like the americans. I thank god for opening my heart and eyes to see which path is right and wrong. Thank you god & thanks guys for always be with me. :)